Not Today, Satan.

I’ve always been the mind over matter, fake it til you make it, the show must go on type. Trevor is a saint because he gets a behind the scenes look at the real battle going on when majority of folks would have no clue (and for that, among many other reasons… I love you).

I don’t like being negative, especially on social media, but just in case you didn’t know this already – all social media shows is the highlight reel. There, I said it. Hope I didn’t burst anyone’s bubble too much with that one!

That said, I’m going to put my “I always have to have it together” walls down for a moment and give you a moment of real in hopes it helps someone else who might be struggling with something similar.

Lately, I’ve been feeling mentally and physically drained. Yes, I’ve got this whole building a baby thing going on, but it’s more than that. I feel like Satan has been at every corner knocking me down either mentally or physically. I’ve been sick for months – sinus infection, bronchitis, cold – you name it. My pregnant immune system just can’t keep up. I’ve been battling terrible heartburn that makes me feel like I’m going to vom more than not (TMI?), motherhood keeps me on my toes, making me wonder how we’re about to do this with two and there is NEVER a dull moment in this business! Did I mention the hormones? Those are super fun too.

Then God steps in for a moment of much needed clarity. An article speaks to my soul, a devotional gives me the boost I need, the fog seems to lift and I just hear “You were made for this”.

What the heck was this funk I was just in? Seriously, what just happened?

Ya’ll, momprenuership is my jam.

Being a mom is one of my greatest prides and joys in this life. Don’t get me wrong, Banks tests me to my core and makes me wonder how we are about to juggle two wild boys, but once I shove Satan aside for a moment, I can see it clearly. I remind myself that I’m pretty awesome at this mom thing and remember how obsessed I am with this little snack eating, Spiderman watching, child that God had blessed us with. Kids can teach us a lot about ourselves and about life and they give us a reason to be the best version of ourselves as we possibly can be.

Trevor and I have talked about owning our own company for years and here we are. Business is booming and we’re learning to divide and conquer based on our strengths. When deals don’t go like they should or complications arise, I take a deep breath and remind myself that I’m in this seat because I’m very good at guiding people through challenging times – keeping them at ease through any rough waters and helping them keep the end goal in mind.

I love what I do. I love our family. Of course Satan is trying to knock me down and make me question myself…Of course he is making me feel overwhelmed by my blessings. You know who that’s good for? No one.

Our KW team leader read a quote once that really hit home to me:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be. You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”

Here’s the thing. If we lose site of that for just one moment and let our anchor rise with the waves instead of keeping it deeply rooted in Him, Satan will scoop and score our joy and confidence right out from under us. Cue the fear, anxiety, worry, questioning as to whether you’re good enough – a good enough wife/husband, mom/dad, entrepreneur, employee…fill in your blank.

So, claim it over yourself – NOT TODAY, SATAN! Take a deep breath, let your light shine and remember what you were made for. The world needs more of that!