That’s Where I Find God
Today, I had not just one but TWO cars hit my parked car with me in it…How’s your day going?
I had just finished my morning workout and was ready to tackle the workday ahead. I checked my voicemail and was sitting in park finishing up a conversation with an agent who wanted to see one of our listings when my car was side swiped by a lady trying to pull out of her parking space.
“Oh my goodness! Someone just hit the side of my car. I’m going to have to call you back!”
I had two choices – jump out angrily or see this sweet lady for the person she was who just damaged her car more than mine. She had cancer ribbons all over her car and she had a kind smile. We were able to joke about what just happened and kept the conversation light-hearted while we waited for the police officer to arrive. The thought of approaching another anniversary of losing my mom to cancer helped keep my heart calm.
The police officer arrived just in time for the rain to come rolling in. He got our insurance cards and licenses and told us to wait in our cars so we weren’t standing in the rain. I called Trevor to fill him in and checked some emails and texts while I waited. Despite the inconvenience, I was well aware it could have been worse. After all, the boys weren’t with me, no-one was hurt, I was sitting in park and it wasn’t my fault.
The officer brings my information back and advises me on how to access a copy of the police report and moves on to the 1st offender’s car to talk with her. I finish a text to Trevor about the situation before I head out and just as I’m about to leave, I get hit on the opposite side…STILL IN PARK.
I’m sorry but WHAT ARE THE FREAKING ODDS? The police officer and sweet lady next to me watch it all go down and look at me mouthing “SERIOUSLY!? WHAT IS HAPPENING!?” with mouths wide open. I mean, you can’t make this stuff up, folks!
At this point, I lost it. I literally didn’t know how else to respond to what had just happened. I had handled the first hit gracefully and, when the second blow came, I couldn’t take any more.
The guy walks up to my window and realized what was happening and said “oh my gosh, someone else just hit you?” and I respond to say “I’m sorry, I just can’t talk right now” and broke.the.f.down, as I was rolling up my window.
The police officer quickly comes to address the situation and check on me. He asks if I’m ok and if he can get me anything and tells me to take a deep breath and to get out of there as soon as I calm down since he has everything he needs from me. He closes with “I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope you have a better day”. If you’re reading this, thank you for being so kind to me and genuinely caring.
At this point, I’m a wreck (no pun intended). Anyone who knows me knows I don’t cry very often, especially in front of other people. So, when I finally let that seal break, it’s bad. And it’s usually over something like this. Where I’ve been running from my other emotions and haven’t cried over the “big stuff” so something that shouldn’t be THAT big of a deal sends me over the edge. I didn’t have control. I kept wondering what I did to deserve that and kept asking God “ok, I’m listening! What are you trying to tell me?”.
Such is life, am I right? Even when you’re sitting in a parked car or in a “safe place”, you can get hit from both sides. Even when you aren’t doing anything at all, life can come at you. And when you feel like you’re in control, God has a funny way of reminding you that you are not.
Was there a piece of me that wanted to pull a Paul Rudd from This is 40 and hop out and yell “WHY ISN’T ANYONE EVER LOOKING OUT FOR ME!?” and been rude to everyone because my new car just got hit, not just once, but twice? Oh yea. But, at the end of the day, it’s a material belonging and I’m not going to put that over my character or integrity.
As I was pulling out of the gym, I immediately cranked up my Jesus Jams playlist on Spotify to calm my nerves, only to have “Gracious Tempest” + “Reckless Love” play back to back on shuffle. I find it a little humorous that both of these songs have the word {w}RECKLESS in them…
Here are some of the lyrics to put this into perspective:
“Your love is crashing over me
Surging like a raging sea
Immerse me in the wonder of Your love
A downpour of unending grace
Consuming all my reckless ways
My sins submerged
Your love has saved my soul
Your love is like a storm”
AND
“Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ’til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God”
No, I don’t think God did this to punish me but do I think He may have been trying to get my attention so I’d turn to Him? Maybe…It takes a lot to slow me down. The first hit obviously wasn’t enough. I would have gone on my merry way. So, the second hit came. FINE. Here I am. I surrender…Your strength in my weakness. Your will be done, not mine. You, not any of our material things. I guess what they say is true. The breakdown has to come before the breakthrough + the rainbow comes after the rain. And might I add that it sure does feel good to get a good cry out every once in a while?
So for anyone who is feeling a bit defeated today, I hope those words resonated with you a bit. Go make some lemonade out of some of any lemons you’ve been handed and I’ll leave you with this:
John 16:33
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
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